I feel like I’m becoming one of those girls. The ones who I hate. Those annoying girls who use the whole “LVA is a poor judge of talent” to give themselves an excuse for not being cast. Those girls are the ones that I never see working. Those girls are the ones who don’t do what they can to really prove that they’ve got all the talent they convince themselves they have. I don’t want to be one of those girls, but I’m actually starting to believe it.
I thought that things would change this year. I thought that I might finally get my chance to shine as I thought I would since freshman year. And it almost worked. Almost.
I don’t know what it was. I think that maybe I failed in my chance to shine. I think that when I was given an opportunity, I didn’t pull through, I didn’t live up to expectations. I know I could’ve done better- I’m the type of person who will constantly point out what I could fix- but I’m also looking around at the performances being put on around me and thinking “Why wasn’t that me?”
A great director I once worked with said that “Disappointment in a show comes when you know you could’ve done just as good or better.” Well, I’ve been disappointed this year. I had a great opportunity at the beginning of the year, but then It came to a screeching halt, and I haven’t been able to gain my momentum since. Sure, the teachers say that it’s just that I’ve gotten my stage time, but I hadn’t before this year. I know its something else, and now I can’t help thinking that I’m “a circle peg trying to fit in a square pegboard.”
I’m beginning to believe that LVA is a poor judge of talent. Or at least of dedication and passion. The productions I see now are filled with cast members who could care less what they are doing and I think “Why couldn’t that have been me? I sure as heck would’ve done more than they did.”
I don’t like this next season for that exact reason: it doesn’t give the proper people a chance.
So, I’m done with LVA. I’ve still got a year to go, and I’m already identifying with “those girls”.
Man. I can’t wait to see where I get without this school. Big things are waiting for me outside of it.